Secrets

Everyone has secrets.

I’ve chatted with people over the years, including myself, who sometimes feel as if they are standing outside watching other people have fun, live their dreams, enjoy life in a manner that seems elusive to the one with their nose pressed against the window pane/pain.

Everyone secretly bears disappointments, unfulfilled hopes or dreams, and wonders what happened, or where the time went.

The funny thing is, that if we take the time to sit and reflect on our side of the window – where we actually live, we may be surprised. To look up and see strange and/or familiar faces with noses pressed on the outside of our window looking in at us and wishing that what we have was theirs. It’s the nature of life, the grass being greener elsewhere, life being more fulfilling in your shoes, if only you knew….

And there’s nothing wrong with acknowledging these realities. Pulling them out of secrecy and watching them shrivel in the light and becoming less powerful, less attractive, less of a burden; no longer haunting and ruining the present. To spring clean the secrets requires acceptance and safety. A place where vulnerability is valued, and naked confession is honored without retort, advice, or retribution. Where I can discover that I am not the only one.

Living with paradox, dark and light, strength and weakness, is meant to be celebrated and embraced as the nature of life in a mixed up world chock-a-block full of contradictions. Far too frequently, the message from Christians (and much of society) is to dumb down these realities, thus increasing the pressure on those around us to bury their dirty little secret, zip the lip, harden the heart, slap on a smile, and sing songs of hope and victory while dancing on their hidden graves. Fortunately Jesus was not like that at all. He demonstrated that the key to life and love is to invite, and to allow, every facet of ourselves into the light of truth, faith, and relationship.

When Thomas missed out on Jesus’ resurrection appearance to the other disciples in the Upper Room, he was mortified. He expressed anger, doubt, and disappointment to his friends, who had no idea how to answer. Interestingly, Jesus did not respond immediately. It was almost seven days before he reappeared before Thomas and invited him to touch his wounds and know for sure that he was risen. Thomas did not keep silent, he expressed his doubts. Jesus did not rebuke him, lecture him, or dismiss his authentic thoughts and feelings. He listened, gave him time, and met him in a manner that brought him into the room to join his friends in the revelation.

Jesus did the same with the two men walking on the road to Emmaus who were downcast because thing had not turned out as they had hoped. The One whom they had believed in and followed was dead, buried, and gone. Until he walked alongside them as they shared ‘how they had hoped’. Again, Jesus did not rebuke them for unbelief, dismiss them, or even pump them up with memory verses or empty promises of hope and faith. He listened, he taught, he opened the scriptures, he joined them for a meal, and then the penny dropped, and they too received a revelation of his unbelievable resurrection.

I believe that one of the most effective ways for us to allow secrets to be aired, longings to be expressed, and questions to be asked, is to create a hospitable place where ‘the other’ feels accepted and comfortable. That is not accomplished by sign language through a window pane, or emails to those ‘outside’; pasting stickers on our/their windows: praise the Lord, God is good, smile, Jesus loves you, I’m fine. Rather, it is by opening our door and inviting others in – to my life, my secrets, my longings, my good, bad, and ugly. For some it begins with opening shutters, drawing back curtains, merely to get to to the window… whatever it takes, however many steps. Someone else’s journey is not yours, no pressure.

“Can’t do that!” we respond in horror. Why not? With discretion, most of us can be far more transparent, and generous with the sharing of what is inside us. After all, the most encouraging truths about biblical figures are their weaknesses and frailties. Moses’ anger led to murder, David’s lust resulted in adultery, murder, and neglect of his children, Peter’s denial and cowardice caused him to lie and betray his friend, Paul was so religious and zealous he rushed down a violent rabbit hole that resulted in multiple deaths and the persecution of men, women, and children. Those are a few examples. Yet God, never abandoned them.

I’m sure I would have chastised them, been disappointed at their lack of integrity, judged them for being such poor role models, shaken my head at their hypocrisy. There’s a long list on the end of my wagging finger pointing from my self-righteous stance. It’s actually a very easy reaction, demanding nothing of me at all.

God’s ways are not our ways, thank God. Wherein lies our hope. He provided those misguided, fallen, mistaken ‘disappointments’ with kind people and safe places where they could find forgiveness and healing, and the opportunity to keep going and growing.

Let’s fling open the doors and windows of our hearts and lives, and at least share some of the secrets, God is quite aware; none of us is perfect or has a spotless track record. We never know who may come closer to enrich our spirits and souls, or who we may encourage – inadvertently perhaps, to no longer hide or allow their windows to be walls. And if there’s no-one around with flesh then talk to Jesus; he is safe, loves unconditionally, and specializes in setting people like you and me free, from all manner of stuff that weighs us down.

Just know, that talking privately to Jesus is never enough. He will always lead us to engage with other people, in the flesh; because that’s where the miracles happen, the walls come down, the windows shatter, and life explodes with bright new hope and purpose!

Pssst! When did you last share a secret that made you vulnerable and invited someone across the threshold of the real you? 🙂

The journey is never easy, no plain sailing. Sometimes the key is found in the music where these truths somehow find expression more naturally and touch our hearts.