Afraid to Fail?

Recently, in a comment I made about Donald Trump, a person I know retorted that someone like me has a nerve to speak. The implication is that because of my imperfect life I should keep quiet. Instead of withering and hanging my head in shame I reminded the person that everyone on earth is like me, except for Jesus. In other words, we have all failed, made bad choices, have regrets, have done things we wished we hadn’t. For some of us our sins have been spectacular and public. For others, they remain secret, hidden, or even beyond our awareness.

When Philip Yancey announced last week he is stepping back from ministry because of an eight-year affair, many were surprised and disappointed. Such news is sad, and yes, disappointing. The problem is that we create cultures where most are bound to fail for one reason or another. The bigger challenge is how do we find forgiveness, restoration, and healing in the aftermath? And before the failure, how do we support, keep mutual accountability, and help one another from stepping over an edge we will live to regret for the rest of our lives?

I don’t know the answers. But this I do know. No one who has the courage to at least try and walk on water will come away dry.

Of course, I’m thinking of Peter seeing Jesus walking on the water as he and the disciples were rowing their boat on the Sea of Galilee, They are terrified and in awe at the same time. Peter is the one who cries out and volunteers to join Jesus in his mad wonderful escapade. That he even dares to imagine himself with Jesus out there among the waves is astounding. But Jesus loves volunteers who place their mustard seed of faith in him. He beckons Peter to step out of the boat. He does. And he walks on water! Until he realizes that this is not normal, looks around at the waves, fear triumphs over faith, and he sinks up to his neck.

Peter clambers back into the boat with Jesus. He’s the only one who is shivering and wet. He is also the only one who walked on water with Jesus, even for a fleeting moment. He’d never forget that reality! The eleven other disciples were not brave enough to join Peter and Jesus. Which leaves us with a statistic. Probably only one out of twelve disciples of Jesus will dare to do something counter-intuitive, perhaps a little crazy; to see what happens if they follow Jesus beyond their comfort zone. Their passion is to experience Jesus and his supernatural power on earth as it is in heaven. They don’t merely want to read about it, they desire to experience the mystery of it all firsthand. Others will talk, read, debate, and never dare to jump.

Peter was the one who blurted out that he would never deny Jesus. He picked up a sword and cut off a soldier’s ear trying to defend Jesus in Gethsemane. Jesus berated him for that action and healed the man. Peter fled into the night after denying he knew Jesus and wept in the darkness at his cowardice and failure.

In the years the disciples followed Jesus they frequently misunderstood or chose the wrong path. They tried to heal a man’s son and failed. Jesus stepped in and sent the boy and his dad away whole. Some of the disciples wanted to wreak vengeance on those who rejected Jesus. He turned them away from anger and violence onto a better path.

Later, God would call Saul to follow him on the Damascus Road. A man whose faith could not have gone more wrong, and whose beliefs were violently misguided. When Saul became known as Paul he spent nearly fourteen years hidden in Tarsus having God and his fellow believers form his character to carry the message of Jesus throughout Asia. In the process Paul made mistakes, struggled with what he called a thorn in the flesh which seems to have never fully resolved. He was left with God’s comforting response to his pleading: “My grace is sufficient for you.”

Why did Peter and the other disciples stick with Jesus? Because he stuck with them. Despite all their disappointments and failures Jesus never gave up on them. He never humiliated or rejected them. He wasn’t shocked or judgmental. Every moment was an opportunity to grow and learn. The only one who Jesus could not reach was Judas. Not because he failed and betrayed, but because he wouldn’t come back to Jesus after he realized what he had done.

It’s the people sitting safe in the boat who usually judge, critique, point fingers, and justify maintaining the status quo.

The Jesus that I dared to follow over sixty years ago has always been gracious and kind. I’ve made far too many mistakes and actions of which I’m ashamed and paid the price. Sometimes life has felt very unfair and consequences cruel and mystifying. Despite all of that, forgiveness is powerful, and while others judge and abandon, God never does. God’s love delights in his children before, during, and after their inevitable and multiple failures.

There is deep truth and comfort in Jesus’ words spoken over a sinful woman who anointed his feet while dining with Simon and his Pharisee friends. They were indignant that Jesus should allow her to do such a thing. After all she had a bad reputation, multiple failures; not like us at all!

He said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? When I entered your house, you did not give Me water for My feet, but she wet My feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not greet Me with a kiss, but she has not stopped kissing My feet since I arrived. You did not anoint My head with oil, but she has anointed My feet with perfume. Therefore I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven, for she has loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.”

When we are aware of how far short we have fallen, and how much we need grace, we will have no problem extending grace to others who have failed. It is not license, excuse, or approval; it is hope for a better future.

Paul never lost sight of his vulnerability and God’s grace. His hope is my hope, and yours.

 Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief.  The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.  But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.